Who Are You Voting For?

I'm sorry I haven't posted in a long time.

There, you happy now?

Ok, here's what I would like everyone to do: Please read the following questions, and answer them in your comments. That's it. I am not trying to say one side is better then the other, I just want to know where people are coming from. I guess I'm sick of only hearing from one side how the other side is wrong, and not how their side is going to be better... other than saying "we're not them!" So, without talking about the other side, just answer the following please...

1. Is there a problem with the country right now?

2. If so, what is it? (Summarize in a couple of sentences.)

3. Now that you've established that, who are you voting for?

4. Do you believe that person can solve the problem(s)?

5. How do they propose they will solve it?

6. Do you honestly think they'll do it, or are you afraid it's just sodas in the locker room?

Thank you, and have fun!

Here's a little somethin' for ya!

People want, and I deliver... no, I don't, I'm an awful human being.

But I did start a new blog showing my personal video production work in a crazy attempt to make some extra dough.

So checks it out, Hop Scotch!

Mean.

I need to watch "Freaky Friday" or "Herbie" before Lindsay Lohan dies and it will just be too sad for anyone to laugh at her bad acting.

Terrible? I agree, she really needs to get it under control.

I made an animated gif!

...took three hours.

There are no REAL monsters, are there?

I'm not going to take the time to site specific situations, this is just going to be my opinion based on the 31 years I've been alive, and all I have seen, heard, and mostly experienced:

Ok, it has been said, "He's not a bad person, he just does bad things." I have to tell you now, this is an attitude that will get you in a lot of trouble. That attitude of the world and all the people in it is just plain dangerous. I understand who I am, and who God is, and his love for all his children is infinite and unmeasurable. But that does not mean that we, as imperfect human beings, don't make mistakes, and more to the point... are just plain rotten.

What? We are?!

You bet. People are horrible. We only care about ourselves. We only want what's in our own best interest. Look at politicians. If you can honestly tell me one of the candidates running for President is doing it solely for the well being of the country you are an ignorant fool. They all want to be important, have money and power. I know some might want to make some changes or whatever, but only if it serves them. Some are even stooping to the same bull crap we fell for back in school when the student body candidates promised soda machines in the locker rooms, and no homework. We believed it because we were stupid kids... what's our excuse now?

They are self-interested, and self-absorbed, and really want what's best for themselves. You know what? So do I. Of course I do. I want what's best for me and my family, and I work very hard to get that.

However...

I live by a set of morals and ethics that drive and direct the decisions I make. Some people do not.

News flash (and you better listen carefully)- THERE ARE BAD PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD. People who want to hurt you, take what is yours and leave you for dead or even kill you. You need to wake up and see this for what it is- THE TRUTH.

God may love all of us, but that does not mean we should be ignorant to the intentions and hearts of evil men. Monsters in stories are created as a metaphor for real life evil people as a way of helping us not to be as afraid of them, or distracting us from their evil actions for a time. But get it through your skull, they are there, and they are very, very bad. There are people who only want destruction and pain on this planet. They have listened to Satan, who we all know wants the same thing.

These men will commit genocide, gas women and children, bomb schools and school buses full of kids, financially support terrorism, and crash planes into building killing hundreds, and if they had their way, kill millions.

The Bible talks about the Second Coming of Christ. Well, other religions believe the same thing. The Jews still look for the Messiah to come, and the Muslim's look for the Mahdi. They believe, like Christians, that the Messiah will come at the end of a three-year religious war. Armageddon. And men like the President of Iran feel that if they started this war, that the Mahdi will come sooner.

They want us all to be forced to Islam, or die. This is not a joke. This is not just a misunderstood man with "crazy" intentions, or a story... it's real.

He, and many others in this world are monsters. They will never change, and the only thing waiting for them is hell... with the raggedy clothing and the heat, my goodness the heat!

"If you don't comply..!"

I know I haven't posted anything in a long while, but I have been thinking about something lately, and I know that if my post is going to be honest, I need to write this while I'm angry.

I am so sick of people using "freedom of speech" as an excuse to be a-holes. There are so many other ways you can get your views and opinions out there without having to go to a public place, where most of the people feel one way, and shout, rudely, your opposing view.

Example? The UCLA student who got tasered last year in the school's library for, well, who knows what. The video starts with him being escorted out of the library by the security and campus police, and the kid resisting. Then, zap, tasered. He cries and cries, and you hear some nosy girls (yes I meant "nosy") shouting to the cops to, "stop it, you're hurting him." But no one tells the kid to "quit being a jerk and do what the police say!"

Then most recently, University of Florida student Andrew Meyer is tasered after resisting arrest at a John Kerry speech, where he "disturbed the public" by being an a-hole. Did he really want to change something? Or, did he just want to make a stink and get attention.

I hate college. It's just kids who think they need to have a strong opinion like the kids did in the 60's and make sure every person in shouting distance (who doesn't give a crap anyway) hears it so they can impress the dirty hippie chick and maybe get to make out with Stinky. Everyone grows up, but some of us do it without the regret of being tased in school.

But you ask, "Isn't this a free country?" Oh my gosh grow up! This certainly is not a "free" country. I work my ass off every day to earn what I have and take care of my family. But most importantly, to enjoy my freedoms. Most of these obnoxious kids contribute nothing, have no responsibilities (and do everything they can to avoid it!) and just make this life more irritating to those of us who honestly WANT to be happy.

They must not want to be. Or else why do they freak out all the time, while so many others don't? If it truly is "unfair" then why am I happy with my life?

Because I'm not a lazy loser.

By the way, if I have to hear another song about "love" sung by a 15-year-old I'm gonna throw up. Kids should really just shut up and look at life a bit before they try to jump in. It's like a toddler jumping into a rugby scrum, and then crying when he gets trampled.

On another note: No police officer (or private citizen for that matter) can own or use a taser without being shot by one. It is a very effective NON-LETHAL tool to get cooperation that is much, much, better then shooting them with bullets, don't you think? There is NO PERMANENT DAMAGE from a taser shock. In fact, the effects dissipate the moment the button is released (translation- the person complies!)

I have never been cuffed, tased, maced, nightsticked, shot, arrested, jailed, or even fingerprinted, or asked to "step out of the car, ma'am". I have never had to do a Breathalyzer, asked to "walk a line", "touch my nose", or "leave the premises."

Why? I guess I have just been lucky.

WRONG.

I haven't done anything to deserve it!

Am I getting through? Probably not. Those who agree with me are all, "oh yeah, sing it sister!" And those who don't are all, "My professor at A-Hole State University said that blah blah blah..."

They aren't even listening, and aren't mature enough to have a public opinion.

Speaking of "mature":

For those of you curious about the LDS ("mormons" for all you morons) faith, what we do, who we are, and what we believe, good news... I'm letting you in on the mystery right now...

We are Christian.

WHAT??!!!!!!

I know, I know. I'll let the shock sink in for a bit. We believe in Jesus Christ. We know he is the Saviour of this world. Joseph Smith is not the saviour. If he was, he'd be called Jesus Christ and he'd live in Jerusalem... two-thousand years ago.

Whew. That felt like it took forever, but thank you for being troopers about it.

So, now that you know it, you can stop showing up in Salt Lake City every April and October and trying to tell the thousands gathered that we "don't believe in Christ" and that "you believe in Joe Smith." What does that even mean? "Believe" what? Just shouting stuff for the sake of shouting it?! Why??!!! That is so stupid? You are telling us what, exactly? That you love Jesus too?

GREAT!!!!

Now get the hell off my property, before you get tased.

Where's Mine?

My kids come to my wife or myself quite often saying, "Dad? I want..." and then pause, not really knowing how to phrase, or describe their desire. I ask, "You want, what?" and they can't answer. I think it's because they don't know. All they know, is that they "want".

We take for granted (as adults) that everything other then sleeping, pooping, and sucking has to be learned. Babies "learn" fear close to age one. Before that, they don't care if you hang them upside down, or put them on top of the bookcase (closely monitored, I'm not a monster!), they just don't realize they are in danger. I fact, they only make a fuss if it's uncomfortable, and even then they don't realize that they are "uncomfortable", they just are.

But back to wanting things. This behavior extends to adulthood and becomes greed. We are so greedy. You are so greedy. All you know is that you want more. It may be because others have more, and you feel it's unfair. Hey, pride and greed are pretty close buds, so that's not too far fetched. But you want and want and want and nothing satisfies that want. Because want is a feeling and it will always be there just like sadness, pain and hunger. You may fill your belly now, but hunger comes back each and every day. For me, it comes several time a day. In fact, I'm hungry right now, and I'm sorry to do this, but I need to go get some food. Be right back...


...


I had a bagel... it was alright. Sesame seeds got stuck in my teeth, not my favorite.

Anyway, I was talking to my wife about rearranging our furniture (she wants to, I don't, no need to go into it) and it made me think of Paul from the New Testament in 1st Timothy chapter 6 verses 6-8, which reads:

"But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and raiment let us be therewith content."

Holy crap what a concept! To learn to be content, to not just be happy with what we have or grateful, but to be full! To never want again! Can anyone honestly say they have achieved this state of being?

LIARS!!!

Because without want we would lay on our backs and starve to death!

I don't want to be a slave to money and things, but I don't want to lose my ambition. My motivation, my desire to better myself, and be greater then I am... to create! I want to make something, to be part of something, to BE something I'm not right now. So how can I be content? But more importantly, and financially, how can I afford not to be? What do any of us do? I am making a choice, right now, on this computer, on the Internet, to curb my wants, to be content with what I have but to never settle for what I will-

Oooo! Cribs is on!

Today. Everyone. Ate. Meat.

You know, they say that when you're angry you should write it out, your feelings, thoughts, and rants, get it out and then throw it away.

Where's the fun in that? That doesn't sound like me at all!

A couple of days ago a neighbor of mine who teaches in the primary with me called me up. I had never talked to him before outside of church, but didn't think much of it. He just said he had a DVD he wanted to drop off and asked if I would be home in the next 15 min. I said sure, and was about to ask him what the DVD was when he said, "Great, see you in a bit." I should have known what was going to happen next, and to be honest, I suspected it, but I am also in the "video" line of work, and there have been several neighbors and ward members who have asked me to help them make a slide show or re-edit their wedding videos (there are a lot of crappy wedding videographers in Utah, but that's a topic for another time) and so forth. I had to leave in 30 min, so when he didn't show, I just took off. He must have come by when I was gone because when I got home there was a DVD on the counter. My wife told me that the neighbor just said to watch it and he'd be back tomorrow to talk about it. Red flag. I looked at the DVD, the cover said some crap like, "Success!" Red Flag. I turned it over and didn't even read the description. I just saw the words "wealth building" in the paragraph and knew.

I hate these situations.

So, yesterday was a long day, almost as long as this post is going to be (that's called foreshadowing, kids) and I just wanted to come home (at 8pm by the way) and have a bowl of pasta and watch the season finale of Lost. (That island has a lot of mysteries!) I put the water on to boil when my wife told me that this neighbor had come by to talk to me an hour ago, and she said he'd come back later. I assumed "later" meant, like, tomorrow. But I was wrong.

I was a few minutes into my show, my pasta still boiling when they came to the door. My neighbor and a "friend", some old guy with a note pad, and they were both in dark suits. I didn't even let them in, I walked outside and closed the door behind me and asked (very nicely) "what's up?" They asked if I watched the video and I told them I hadn't. The look of disappointment was shocking to me, but then the old dude said, "well, you can watch it after we talk to you." I then said with a smile on my face, "You know guys, I don't even know what you are talking about." The old dude, "Well, that's what we're here to do! It'll only take 15 min!"

I should have said "no." I should have trusted my instincts that- you know what? Instincts be damned! I knew exactly what they wanted to talk about and I should have never let it get as far as it did. I should have laughed in their faces and said, "you've got to be (expletive deleted) kidding me! Get the hell off my doorstep!" But I didn't. I looked at my neighbor and knew I had to see him every week, sitting right behind me in primary for an hour, and I didn't want to feel uncomfortable around him for the rest of the time I lived in Eagle Mountain. I thought that 15 minutes of torture was worth years of pleasant Sundays.

I let them in.

Now, there is no reason to tell you who they are or even the pyramid scheme they were pushing... they are all the same, and I had NO interest in any of them. But during the HOUR AND FIFTEEN MINUTES of pep talk and circle drawing I wanted to just beat them both and hide the bodies. I was torn between murder and not wanting to feel stupid at church. I just listened, and listened, and my pasta boiled over and ruined, and Lost wrapped up, and I was so pissed I could barely say a pleasant goodbye.

But I did.

I wanted to make the right choice here, and I was suffering the whole time. Now, you think the rant is over don't you?

You stupid people. That just was the set up.

Caps lock. WHY DO YOU THINK I WOULD FALL FOR YOUR STUPID, PITIFUL PLIGHT TO "HELP" ME AND MY FAMILY HAVE ALL OUR DREAMS WHEN I KNOW THAT YOU ARE ONLY INTERESTED IN "YOUR" DREAMS AND THAT YOU REALLY COULDN'T GIVE A CRAP ABOUT ME! You think I'm driven by money, why, because you, and to be fair, most of the world is? You know nothing about artists, and absolutely nothing about me. I was trying to save myself the discomfort of seeing you every week after I had to shoot you down a hundred times and you made me feel like a "loser" because I wasn't going to fall for the same idiotic, obviously self-centered scam that you did! Now I'm forced to make YOU feel bad for taking advantage of me IN MY OWN HOME!!!!! It is now worth the risk of you feeling uncomfortable around me now, and in fact, I hope that's what happens so you can see how twisted this method of business really is. You need a wake up call. But I really don't care about you or your wasted little life, feeling like a loser because you believed what a perfect stranger, or even worse, a family member told you that you were for not wanting money and joining their misery.

No matter how many times I have said this in jest, I AM NOT AN IDIOT!!!

You need to check your self-esteem, dude. In a bad way. You allowed someone else to make you feel this way, and you need to be stronger and smarter then that. Oh...

STOP THINKING THAT MONEY MAKES ANYTHING HAPPEN!!!

You have this ignorant point of view that if I had a million dollars I could make all the movies I wanted.

Moron.

Just having money doesn't make films. It is important, true, it's important for lots of things. But to think that it would be better for me to stop the work I'm doing right now and take all (or even part, a-hole) of my time to sell vitamins for you and your "up-line" then to continue on my own path, you are so naive. But I know you are not thinking about what's best for me, you're thinking about what's best for you, and you're using what I do to try to convince me to help you. So stupid. I have worked too hard and gone through too many difficulties to even let you attempt to say you know or understand what I'm trying to do. Everything you said made you look more and more ridiculous and made me lose more and more respect for you. In fact, the only way to gain it back would be to admit you're an idiot, and quit this stupid pyramid, and do your family a huge favor. Man up, and take responsibility for your foolish choice, don't try to involve, or encourage others to make the same ones. I won't even go into the fact you use faith and community and twist those things to con people... that's a topic for another time as well. Oh, and believe me, that day will come, and it will call for the four horsemen of-... later.

You don't like it, you wanna say something? Come get some... bitches.

Duh, duh duh-duh, Derrrrr!

Why is Carlos Mensia so damn popular? He is making the same stupid jokes the white trash idiot made in junior high that NOBODY laughed at. Pointing out the painfully obvious to a culture who couldn't give a crap is making this guy a lot of money. I remember this Mad TV sketch where Bobby Lee and Ike Barinholtz worked in a store called "Knobs" and Bobby would quote worn out lines from early nineties movies and Ike would laugh and laugh because he thought Bobby was the funniest person ever. Do you see who they are making fun of?

You!

You, for laughing at Carlos Mensia! He picks the easiest targets and makes the most obvious, used, idiotic, wanna-pull-your-hair-out comments and all because he's ethnic and that means it's ok. You know what? People have been making these jokes for decades in the privacy of their own homes, offices, schools and churches... so he's doing it on TV now and we all think it's fresh? On the same network as South Park which does the same thing and has for eleven seasons!!!

I am so sick of him. And you say, "don't watch him then!"

You're an idiot.

I don't watch him. But I just hate that his popularity means we are a stupid culture that deserves the crap we get in theaters and television. People complain that there's nothing good on, or that there are no good movies out. Stop giving money to rude, juvenile loudmouths and fart jokes! As long as we support them financially, that's all we'll get.

Derrrrrr!

Gangrene

Robert Rodriguez and his friend Quentin Tarantino are releasing their joint venture Grindhouse today. In the preview the most memorable thing to me is Rose McGowan with a machine gun leg. You know Rodriguez thought, "You know what'd be really cool? A chick with a machine gun for a leg. But, what movie could that work. I know!"

I respect the freedom, and unconventional way of filmmaking. I have always thought of Robert as a revolutionary artist and have had tons of respect for him... until I heard about him cheating on his wife with gunleg here.

What an idiot. If it's true. Gossip.

I Peed Myself, You Peed Yourself... Peeing.

I know I don't update my blog like I used to at the beginning. I have been busy, and lazy, and maybe, just maybe, not as angry as I used to be. I have been trying to learn to draw better so I don't look like a fool on Toon Club, and I guess I use my blog more for posting drawings for Illustration Friday then anything else. In fact, I post on "IF" so I can get more traffic to my blog.

More traffic for what?

I haven't posted anything worth while, or at least worth a visit in so long that I don't know what I'm expecting people to see when they get here. However, I still get a regular stream of visitors to my blog every week.

How? And more importantly, why?

I have a site tracker, which tells me who's visiting and where they are coming from. A lot from following the link on Toon Club, and a bunch from my friend's blogs. But the steady visits are from Google searches. Searches for things like:

"i peed a little", "peed self", "peed pants accident", "truth or dare pee pants", "waited too long, peed my pants", and "TSHIRTS+I JUST PEED A LITTLE."

Look, I know my blog has a... questionable title. I know that peeing one's pants is humorous at times. However, I'm not sure if having such pant-peeing aficionados frequenting my blog is what I was aiming for.

In English, I don't think my blog is what you perverts are looking for, sorry.

I feel bad that you are sitting at home thinking, "Man, I could go for some pictures of people peeing themselves right now... and a Coke." Then you get to my blog and find nothing of the sort.

Disappointing. Hopefully you at least got the Coke.

Why do so many want to see or read about incontinence? Is that really a turn on? I got a mess of dirty diapers I could send you if that's the issue. Now that I think about it, you can't have my kid's diapers, sicko! Why would you ask for such a thing?!

Now that I really think about it, I did tell a story at the beginning of my blog about how I peed my own pants, and the thought of someone getting aroused by that makes me wanna puke!

You should do a search for someone peeing someone else's pants, that would be hilarious! And now that I've mentioned it, those searches will come here too.

Damn it.

The only other searches that get sent here, I don't know if I want to say. However, I know it will get those pedophiles to come here so I can make fun of them, and they are going to end up here anyway so...

I get a lot of people visiting my site looking for pictures or videos of "Little April". Although I have never seen such pictures, reading the site headings in Google leads me to believe I don't want to.

I get why my blog comes up when you do a search for this girl, (Google reads "I peed a little: April - whatever the date is") but why you would click on my blog is beyond me.

This is you, "I am getting sick of looking at inappropriate pictures of little girls... wonder what's going on over here?" -Click- "I eat my own poop." I'm just assuming someone who would be interested in such... blech, would eat their own poo.

There is no pornography here. Sorry.

But you will find me angry, and annoyed that such horrible people are on my site. But it's on the interweb, so what are you gonna do?

Make fun of the perverts, I guess.

Oh, and the site tracker tells me where you are, so if you think you are looking at peeing anonymously... think again. (see map below)

Illustration Friday: Wired - Four Arms

This is "Four Arms" from the Cartoon Network show Ben 10. If you haven't seen it, it's about this boy named Ben Tennyson who has this alien watch he can "tap in" to become one of ten alien heroes. This is one of them. Wired indeed!

I bought one of these action figures for my son, and had to draw him. I had the original in my sketchbook, but decided to do a pose with no reference to see what I remembered. I colored it in photoshop, and I'll tell ya... this is the best drawings I've done. I am very happy with it. I always feel I've done well when it looks like I didn't draw it!

Kuma - Recolored

This is a villain from the animated series Afro Samurai, starring Samuel L. Jackson. I drew it for Toon Club, and wanted to try some different coloring. More of a practice and experiment of different techniques then anything else. I may use some of them in my next contribution.

Caounch.

A year ago I made this post on my blog. I'm not sure why, or what was going on that made me feel like my head was going to explode, but I kind of feel the same way now.

I just feel worn out. I don't want to do anything "responsibility-related", I just want to enjoy, you know? I am so impatient with everything, and most everyone, and I feel like all I do is talk and no one is holding the can at the other end of the string.

(That's a metaphor. See, if you take two cans, like the ones soup comes in, and put a hole in the bottom of each and then tie a string from one can to the other, you can hear the vibrations of your fiend's voice in one can, talking in the other. The trick is, you have to pull the string tight. Again, this is a "metaphor." I don't actually have one of those tin-can-phones. It just means no one is listening, but I didn't want to sound like a whiny baby by saying, "no one's listening to me!")

Unfortunately, now is the worst time to want to stop worrying about stuff. I've got more responsibilities then ever before, and I am feeling the load.

I just want to be lazy.

Maybe this is why I hate the youth. They feel like the world is so hard on them, but they have no idea. They have almost no responsibility and they don't even realize how easy things are for them. It's pisses me off. I just want to punch the next teenager I see. Or whoever walks in my office next, doesn't matter at this point. I'd pretty much settle for anyone...

I'm in a slump, and I don't know how to pull myself back out. Besides, I'm too damn busy anyway.

I need a juice box, and a nap.

Or one of those tin-can thingys. Those are funny.

Red Armored Jedi

I like Samurai, and Samurai culture. I also like the comparison between the Samurai and the Jedi. What? You don't know what I'm talking about? Lucas got the idea for Star Wars and "Jedi" from Akira Kurosawa's movies. Most notably The Hidden Fortress. Anyway...

So I wanted to draw a Jedi, who has some stereotypical Samurai traits, and put him in armor, as if they are at war, not just walking around philosophising. I picked red because it hides the blood of battle.

I am now the biggest geek in history!!!!

Anubis - God of the Dead

The topic for Toon Club this week was "Man's Best Friend." I wanted to draw something a little more action oriented and sketchy. Plus I wanted to try a different coloring style then I have done in the past. I really like the result. So basically, it IS a dog, but it's more like an Anubis.

Illustration Friday: QUIET

Who's quiet now?

If you haven't yet, check out my son's video blog, it's adorable!

Illustration Friday: PHOBIA

Crowded, snobby, businessman's lunch.

For more "fun" check out the rest of my BLOG!
And visit my 3-year-old son's VIDEO blog, it's a hoot!

An Autobiographical interview: "Joe, who am I?"

I think I may sometimes give people the wrong impression of who I really am. I hope I have not offended anyone with my rants about celebs or liberals or food. But I feel now I am ready for everyone to get to know "Joe" a little better, and since some of my old friends have found my blog recently, I wanted to give them a fair chance to know who I am now.

So I thought the best way would be to hold an interview (that I would give myself, you know, to keep it unbiased) and answer the questions, everyone's dying to know:

Joe- Hey Joe, how have you been?
Joe- Oh, pretty good, I guess. I think I eat too many eggs.
Joe- That's great. Let's get right to it then.
Joe- Wait, don't you want to talk about my egg over-eating issue?
Joe- No, that sounds pretty boring, and our readers want the juicy stuff. Is there a special love in your life.
Joe- Whoa! I thought we could start this off a little slower, and gradually get to the "juice" as you say.
Joe- That's why I asked the egg question.
Joe- Huh?
Joe- Fabulous. Any kids?
Joe- What? I'm getting kind of confused.
Joe- Are you saying this interview is going to fast for you?
Joe- No, well, yes, I mean... you aren't even waiting for answers-
Joe- YOU SAID YOU'D PLAY ALONG!
Joe- What the crap?! Why are you yelling at me?
Joe- Ha ha ha, you're alright, Joe!
Joe- Heh heh, oh, thanks.
Joe- J. Can I call you "J"? How would you rate your life, on a scale from 1 to 10.
Joe- Hmmm...
Joe- 10 being "Perfect, might as well kill myself 'cause this is the best it will ever get." And 1 being "This could not get any worse I might as well just kill myself and get it over with."
Joe- Oh geez, I guess it would have to be a 6 or so.
Joe- So you're not going to kill yourself then?
Joe- Oh, no, not-... no way.
Joe- You sure?
Joe- What?
Joe- Moving on. You like modern technology, right?
Joe- Sure.
Joe- Do you use technology?
Joe- Of course.
Joe- Would you use a toilet, or would you just squat over a hole?
Joe- This is kind of gross, isn't it?
Joe- Would you flush?
Joe- Of course!
Joe- Interesting, you say you would flush, but there is evidence to the contrary in the men's room.
Joe- What?! That wasn't me!
Joe- If you say so.
Joe- Jerk.
Joe- Well, J-O. This has been great. Would you do this again, you think?
Joe- ...No.
Joe- Great.

Ok, so it didn't go over too well. I can't believe how mean I am to myself.

Sorry for that, better luck next time I suppose.

We need to remember, so we can continue on.

I was born in 1976. I will be thirty in October. I know I'm still young, but I feel like I have been through, and experienced a lot in my life so far. I never had to experience though, the weight of a world war, or even, personally, the tragedy of an earthquake or hurricane. When my aunt got divorced it was the first person I knew who had, and it seemed so strange that something like that could happen in my family. I was so confused when my friend from high school killed himself right after graduation, and then a few months later another friend and his mom were killed in a car accident on the way to the Missionary Training Center to start his mission. And then a few years later my uncle, George Unguren, who I referred to as "Superman" many times in his life, died from cancer on my birthday.

I thought, "These kinds of things don't happen to me, or people I know, only to people I hear about."

But the shock of death, or divorce couldn't prepare me for such a horrible act of hate, that occurred five years ago today. What happened on September 11th, "doesn't happen to me", I thought. My world has been changed ever since.

I will never forget that day, where I was, and my unbelief. I mean, it took me days to grasp what had happened. The first plane struck, the news got there, and we all saw what happened next. It was unreal, I thought I was watching a movie. I couldn't believe it, I was stunned. We all were. To not just hear about something so terrible but to witness it, I can barely type through my tear clouded eyes right now. It was horrible.

I don't care what you say about why it happened, or all the conspiracies about what "really" happened. All I care about, is that my world, our world has changed forever.

I will never forget those who died, and sacrificed. But I will also never forget, those that did this to us.

I love my country more then ever because of that. You hear me?

Now, let's move forward.

Illustration Friday: Farm

The reign of the pigs has come to an end.

"In Triplicate!"

My son William wanted his own TV Show. Well thanks to Youtube.com and my degree in film appreciation at the U of U, we did it!

Here it is:

http://willstvshow.blogspot.com/

There will be more to come!

Brace yourself, I'm driving the rocketship outta here, baby!

I was leaving some comments on Shane's blog today, and I feel like I didn't get out all the thoughts in my head. If you would be so kind, I would like to share some of them with you... now:

1. It's not like I hate mailmen, but what if all they are really carrying, is regret.

2. There's only one way to skin a cat, and that's with a knife and a lot of screaming from everyone.

3. After washing my hands in the bathroom at work, I started to think about all the others who have washed before me. Then I decided to stop being so self-absorbed.

4. Paper is used to create, and clean up after yourself. Makes sense to me, but that may be because I can't draw good.

5. My dad loves America, but hates American Cheese. Japanese all the way for him.

6. I may not be as good as an 8th grader at Halo, but at least I have a car.

7. 1+1=5. Trust me. "Stop crying! Daddy's typing something!"

8. Don't get me wrong, I love kids... I could just never eat a whole one.

9. "Mercy is for the weak, we do not train to be merciful here!" Ok, Adrian, I get it, can I get back to work making your sandwich now?

And 10. If you're expecting something clever here, you must not know me very ~seizure~.

Illustration Friday: Safe

To see more from the artist, go to the blog main page, here.

Illustration Friday: RUN

Hey! Another video.

This was done about a year ago with the lads at SLCTrials.com. (Posted without their permission... well, I made it, so they can stick a tack in it... I love you?)

I Sold Out a Little.

When Adrian went to Zazzle.com today he noticed that my "Pyclops" t-shirt was picked by the editors as "Today's Best." This leads me to wonder... WHY AREN'T YOU BUYING A T-SHIRT!!!!!

Whew. Anyway, when I first starting posting my weird drawings, my dream was to have a BYU student walk around campus with a "Baby Hook Hands" or other type t-shirt. Well, now, one of you can make my dream, your reality... I'm talking to you, Janay.

So, check them out HERE and see what went wrong with me. Adios.

Stop taping your laptop to your chest!!!

Now you can buy a tshirt with "Baby Hook Hands" and other type art (term used loosely) at the link to the right. It's the best way to show your friends you peed a little!

All proceeds go to support "Joe's Kids", and by that I mean, my children.

Illustration Friday: PLAY!

What?! Are you saying "Baby Hook Hands" doesn't deserve a good time? Who's the monster now? Obviously he is, look at his hooks for hands.

A horrible evening alone.

So, this is my Toon Club entry for this week. The topic is Swamp Critters, and even though the story I want to tell you has nothing to do with the swamp, this picture is able to kill two birds with one stone... or not kill any. Just wait, you'll get it later.

Ok, two weeks ago my wife was going to bed and stopped- startled, then pointed towards the laundry room. "I saw a mouse!" she said. "You're crazy" I said, but she persisted. I told her if she sees the "mouse" again to let me know. And at that point, I forgot about it.

A week later she was in the kitchen, minding her own business when- AAAHHH!!!! She saw it run under the stove. I put out several sticky traps, and even put some peanut butter on them as bait. I had hoped that I would catch the thing by the time we got home from church, but later that Sunday, all the traps were empty. A week went by, and I was losing hope of catching the thing. My wife even saw it running across the floor again, and I thought, "what is wrong with this mouse, doesn't it like peanut butter? I do."

So two days ago, my wife was out of the house with our oldest son. I was at home with the baby, and I got up from the tv to get a snack. The baby was upset, and he needed my wife, so as I was looking in the fridge I called her. As soon as she picked up the phone I said hello, and opened the pantry. She began to talk- I interrupted her with, "We got the mouse! We got the mouse!"

"What?"

"We got the mouse it's stuck to the trap, and it's still alive!"

"Oh my gosh!"

"This is not why I called you! THIS IS NOT WHY I CALLED YOU!!!"

So I had to hang up with her, and take care of the poor thing.

About me: I am a tough person, but very sensitive. I would like to think that despite the reputation I have surely created with this blog, that I am a pure hearted, and empathetic human being. I love my family, friends, and God. I would not wish ill will on anyone. I thought in my head though, before I saw the mouse (which turned out to be a vole) that it would be easy to catch, and dispose of.

But, when I saw the tiny thing, with it's head stuck to the trap, the trap halfway across the pantry floor, as if it was dragged there, the vole struggling to get off it, and starring at me the whole time, I panicked. I had no idea what to do. And what I decided, haunts me still.

I know what you're thinking, it's what my wife thinks, "You feel bad because you killed it, Joe. Don't, you put it out of it's misery, and you got a potentially diseased thing out of your home." But that is not what shames me. You see, I didn't kill it at all. I took it, alive, and stuck, and placed it in a garbage bag... and threw him away in the dumpster.

Where he is probably still alive, right now.

I am a coward. And a terrible human being. Those traps are designed to kill the pest, and you are supposed to find them already dead. No one told me, or prepared me to find one alive. I panicked, I had no idea what to do, or at least, didn't have it in me to do it.

I'm sorry I shared this with everyone. I wanted to confess my sin so I could start feeling better about it. And I want to apologize to the little vole.

I'm a terrible human being. God have mercy, and take you in. I'm sorry.

Next time I'll step on you.

Band your eyes on the toys.

Well, I've already made fun of the homeless, burgers, my work, my boss, chickens, Paris Hilton, Freegans, Tom and Katie Crolmes (made that up, thank you), their baby, Fergie, Salt Lake City, my co-workers, my school, it's faculty, Raven, Indie snobs, you, and myself... several times. Who else is there?

Liberals.

Let's just lump them all together, shall we?

So, why is it that when I CHOOSE to follow a more conservative lifestyle (ie. no substance abuse or infidelity) I am looked at as a brainless follower who can't make my own decisions and has given up my freedom of choice.

Look at the words- conservative: from conserve; from Latin conservare, to keep, guard, observe.

And Liberal: from the Latin liber, free.

Who cares right?

We all must, cause I can't turn on the radio or TV without hearing about it.

People associate conservatives with religion, or what I like to call, "morals", and liberals with "free and open lifestyles" or better known as "hippies."

Keep, guard and observe precious laws to live by, like traffic laws. If everyone was "free and open" with their driving, and not "guarded" it would be chaos.

Looking at almost every situation that way, I find it works the same.

I also find it interesting that as we grow older our values become more important. There are exceptions to every rule, but as we have more and more responsibilities we naturally assume a more conservative lifestyle, whether we fight it or not. You can't (or at least shouldn't) party all night when you have a family who is depending on you to get to work in the morning. You can't "do it" with everyone when your wife is waiting for you at home, and dinner is getting cold, and you said, "I'll just be a few minutes late", but by the time you get to your hoochie's apartment and do what you do (sicko) you'll be like, at least an hour, with travel time, HOW DARE YOU!!!!

Anyway, the moral of this story is, all play and no work make society... something, something.

Wakey Wakey, Eggs and Bacey.

So, last Thursday... we had our baby. This is boy number three for us, and we are so excited. And by "excited" I mean "tired." Do you have three kids? Ok, so don't tell me what to do, or think, or... eat.

I had some fried chicken last night at about midnight. So, needless to say, I didn't sleep to good.

Then, this guy kept waking up and wanting to eat. I was like, "I just had some chicken!" and my wife was all, "what are you talking about?" and I said "you always choose his side!" and she just ignored me.

Typical.

Anyway, he is pretty ugly, however... he has a dimple on his right cheek (not pictured) so he should still be more popular in high school then I was.

Just Be Yourself!

I have been thinking a lot about the phrase "just be yourself."

I think it's bull crap, basically.

Think about it. In the movies you see this nerdy guy and he wants to get the girl, so his friends say, "be yourself." What they mean is, "don't try to be someone else, but don't actually be yourself, because 'yourself' is a big stupid nerd who, if he had his way, would sit in his parents basement watching Star Trek and eating chips for breakfast."

No one is "themselves." I have a friend who is, what I like to call, an "indie snob" or, someone who only listens to music that no one has ever heard of before, but that thousands love or else why would anyone care... I mean someone has to know you like them or else you aren't cool. Being totally unique isn't cool... you have to be part of a group...

I digress.

Anyway, he likes this band or that, but if he heard a song on mainstream radio by a mainstream band that he thinks sounds good, you know, makes him feel good, he has to deny he likes it, lest he be taken for being uncool. I'm sorry if this is confusing, but let me sum it up:

If you like something, but are afraid of what others will think of you for liking it, so you deny it or hide it... you're not being yourself. Because "yourself" wants to rock out to Back Street Boys.

Same with what we wear. If I was being "myself" I would wear the one shirt I like every day. I would buy, like, ten of them, and wear it everyday. But that's socially unacceptable, so I suffer two, maybe three days by wearing other shirts until I feel even a bit justified to wear my favorite shirt again. Is that being myself?

Everyone says, "be yourself" but you can't, and no one does. We are so afraid of what everyone else will think, that we can't just relax. You say you are honest, but look at your life, and all the things you do because you want to look good. Women wear makeup because they want to hide "themselves" and men stuff socks in their pants to... well, I'm not sure why they do that, but it's not right, I'll tell you that much.

CRACK!

Last Tuesday I had an endoscopy (that's where they put a camera on the end of a tube down your throat) and believe you me, it was not fun at all.

When you go to the doctor, to have a "procedure" you have your hopes, and your worst nightmares. Usually the reality lies somewhere near the hope side. "That wasn't so bad," you'd say.

But this endoscopy was worse then I feared. It was very uncomfortable, and painful, and the worst part is that it must have bruised my esophagus, because when I eat anything now, it kills... all the way to my spine. Like someone stabbed me in the chest with a knife long enough to reach my backbone. I can feel every bite travel down to my stomach. I hate it.

Oh, and the doctor found "several" ulcers while he was down there. Good news? I only have to wait until Friday for the follow up to get some medicine to take care of the pain...

I can wait to eat 'til then.

Illustration Friday: MATCH

I bought some new pants not long ago. I bought them online, while at work, a very convenient way of shopping. Much better then going into the store on my "free time" (yeah, right) and try on a bunch of things I know I can't afford. Instead, just get to what I want and click, done. Alright, I had to buy them online, because Old Navy doesn't carry my size in the store. OK? You got me, can we move on?

While I was there I saw other shirts and pants that looked nice... on the web page, on mannequins. But I realized that when I get them home they would not look as nice on me.

I don't see myself as a fat guy, I used to be very thin before I got married. But lets face it folks, I'm mongo. So, this representation is to show you how I feel when I go shopping. I see it on the mannequin and think, "that's a nice looking shirt." Then put it on and feel like a goon.

I hate shopping, that's probably why I wear one shirt (a free t-shirt I got once) and I don't buy new pants until the one pair I have wears out, or I pee them. That happens too.

Just when you thought Joe was nice'n up...

You know the guy who, when referring to a child actress, is all, "she's gonna be hot when she grows up." Well, I got one thing to say to that guy... Adrian, can I borrow your stapler?

You can go two directions as a child star. Thin and somebody, or fat and nobody. But one girl did it both!

You go Raven, us big girls need someone to look up to.

Oh, yeah, I went there.

You wanna go? Chest bump.

not always an "angry"

The more I rant, the farther away I feel from the gratitude I should have for so many things. I have an amazing wife, Melinda. The more time I spend with her, the less time I want to spend with anyone else. Get over it, we've been married seven years.

My boys are the cutest. Look at them! How can you deny it? James (the younger one) makes me sing "twinkle twinkle little star" every night when I put him to bed. He doesn't say very many words, but it's so cute that he asks for "ginkle" every time.

William and I love to wrestle. Well, he likes to jump on me when I'm not looking, sometimes on my stomach... other times a bit lower. He makes me so mad! I love him!

We just moved. Our place (and by "our" I mean, we bought it) is nice and new, and bigger then anywhere we have lived before. I have my own office, and if I ever set it up it's gonna be sweet!

The other day I was at the recording studio, helping Adrian direct an actor with some voice overs. I was so excited that I have gotten this far in my career already. But the best part was when we left I saw an intern giving the secretary at the studio a bunch of "copying" and busy work to do. The funny part, was that the secretary was this guy I knew who just got his masters degree from the U in film. Made me feel proud.

I love my family, and am so grateful for those I choose to spend my time with. They pull me through life, and make me realize just how much I really have. I wish I could remember that more often.

Very Busy, No Energy

So, basically I feel like a jerk for going this long and not posting anything new. The blog was so fun at first, it was easy to write something interesting even twice a day! In addition, I had more time on my hands for things like... this blog, that are, mm, not very important.

However, my life has gotten a bit more overwhelming since then and I have not the time, nor the energy to come up with witty things to add here EVERY DAY. So please forgive me, I have a lot on my plate.

~cough~

I assume by your silence that you accept my apology. Thank you.

VIDEO!!!!!!

The Secret to Happiness

I know that's an unusual title to appear on this blog. But I was thinking about a few weeks ago when I was in a grocery store and this little old man asked me to get down a bottle of soda for him from the top shelf. When he did that I felt so appreciated I couldn't stop talking about it for the rest of the night, and I figured, that's what I want in life: recognition, to feel appreciated for working hard.

I hope we all let those important to us know how much we appreciate them often. That may be why they do it, so why not give it to them.

Oh, and p.s... this isn't "toon club", so lets keep the remarks about my drawing to a minimum... punks.

Happy Again! WEEEEE!!!!!

I feel I need to apologize for my attitude the last post. I was feeling a bit... perturbed, and needed an outlet. You know, 'cause that's what blogs are for, right?

But I do realize that it is on the Internet, and people do read them. So I need to make sure that what I'm writing is in harmony with the feeling of love, caring, and caring love I have for you and you and you.

You know, I do have so much to be happy about, really I do. I am getting ready to close on a new home, we are having a baby this coming May. (congratulations) Thanks, it's a boy. And in addition to graduating from collage, I have also been working for a film company making movies. How many U of U film studies graduates can say that? Pretty cool.

But... we haven't quite closed the home yet. It's funny, this always happens to me, you'll get a kick out of this, we get this close to getting something nice, and then "something" ruins everything. Weird? I mean, we could have some... unexpected expense or fee or we may not be able to get financing at the last minute, or I may have figured out the numbers wrong and this house is going to cost more then we can afford and we're not going to realize it until it's too late. I say "house" but it's a condo. A condo that will certainly be too small for us in less then a year when this "miracle of life" comes to join our already huge family. What a blessing... yeah, right. Oh, and about graduating? I only have a million dollars in student loans to pay back and an "awesome" job that is below market and I can't find my wallet and they locked me out of my computer and I have an ingrown toenail that everyone on this planet has to step on which drives it deeper and deeper into my toe that the next time it happens I'm going to kill somebody or myself and all I want to do is take his head and go- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What, you think you're better then me?

I understand there are those who come to my blog expecting something funny and angry and use it for their own enjoyment. I also understand that those people could be disappointed if I don't update very often. Well... sometimes I don't have something to rant about, did you think of that? Of course you didn't, you just thought of yourself, "I hope there's something funny there today." Well there's not! Give me a break, I'm not a performing monkey!

~sigh~

Sorry. I need to be nicer I think. You know, it's not that I don't have anything to say, it's just that I get so sick of saying the same things over and over. Or, I don't know how to express myself right now, and that means I need some "I Peed a Little" time. Is that so wrong? Is it? Well, it must be, 'cause right now you're thinking, "he's a jer" but I think the word you're looking for is "jerk." So who's the jerk now? Huh? What, oh, so you ARE calling me a jerk. You know what, don't come back here, ever again! I mean it! Get out of here!!!

No, wait, come back. I didn't mean it, come back, and keep coming back. Please? I will have funny things in the future, I will. I promise, just keep coming back and liking me. You're still my friend, right? Really? Oh, you have made me so happy. I love you. Ok, see you next time, and like I said, prepare to be wow-ed, knocked off your feet. It'll be so funny that... well, I can't think of something right now, but next time will be great. Take care.

Jerks.

I think I have Chronic Fatigue

It can be sooo hard to get motivated. I heard recently, that you spend your twenties figuring out who you are or want to be. I feel I have had it figured for several years now. I feel lucky to know. However, it seems even worse to not feel like doing it. I'm not saying I don't want to make movies, take care of my family, and so forth. I'm just saying I just want to not want to do anything right now. I'm tired. I have a lot to do, and it's a bit much. But, maybe it's from my medication. Or I may have some chronic tired-thingy that I will never take seriously enough to do anything about. I could need a vacation, or some help, or a slap in the face. Come on, what did the five fingers say to the face... slap.

Die Fondue!

I have the privilege of working with two of the most imaginative and talented artists I have ever known. But one of them is going off to bigger and better things. I am so proud of you for having the confidence to see yourself for who you really are, and hope for you and your family all the best. I will miss our fun and laughs and long "no-pat", "head-holding" hugs... shhhhh...

Ok, none of that ever happened, and now, ~sniff~ it never will.

Take care, and see you at Siegfried's.

Full Circle

I need to post this drawing I did here, so I can use it for my profile picture. Just so you know, I drew it free hand, using the picture at the bottom for reference and colored it in photoshop. It scares the crap out of Adrian. He said it looks just like some monster from a childhood nightmare... that would freak me out too.

Salt Lake City Skyline

I heard a news report recently that stated, "Salt Lake City will have a new addition to it's skyline..." talking about a new building or whatever, not important. What stuck out to me is that we are so in to ourselves here in SLC that we think we are just like every other major city, with "skyscrapers" and a "skyline."

We have neither.

The tallest building in SLC is the church office building which is a staggering 29 stories! Not quite "scraping" but maybe "looking up" at the sky. Most major cities have several building well over that height and brag about either having or once having the tallest building in their region. (The Columbia Center in Seattle was at one point the tallest west of the Mississippi at 76 floors.)

The other issue, is that a "skyline" is where the horizon (where earth meets sky) is broken up by the silhouettes of buildings. Our silhouette is a mountain, on either side. See the picture above. So to claim our sad few "shorties" as a "skyline" is asking a lot... no, sorry, it's not a skyline at all.

So, I'm sorry Salt Lake, you'll have to make up something else to feel like a major city, like host an Olympics or something. Just make sure that every four years after, you relight the torch with a Bic and try to squeeze some more attention out of it.

13 minutes, I win Adrian!

This is my attempt at Adrian's "5 min doodle" game. It took me 13 min. So I guess I lose. Anyway, this is me, even as a women apparently.

Wrrrrr- ftssst.

That's a drill, and that's my head. That... would hurt. So I am left thinking, why would someone draw a picture of me with a drill in my ear? Is someone upset at me? Do I annoy anyone? What is the issue... it's really not that funny to draw pictures of someone you know being tortured. Or...

Maybe, I drew it. Seems very similar to the picture of me biting someone's head off in an earlier post. But why would I represent a drill boring a hole in my brain? What would be the purpose?

If you can answer that question, you will not only have the combination, but also the location of a safe holding ONE MILLION DOLLARS! It's a new game show called Mystery Hole! Catch it! Right after the show about the polygamist on HBO... bastards.

We all see it, why can't you?

I am getting so close to filming my movie. And as I get closer and closer, the image I've had in my head for almost a year now fades, and is replaced by what it is actually going to be: a stupid student film. Don't get me wrong, I haven't lost all confidence in the script, but in order to save money I've had to act, shoot, light, and produce this thing myself. I've also had to rely on people who might not think this is as important to them as it is to me. The weight is getting too much to bear.

Am I delusional? That is my biggest fear. Not failing, but thinking I know what I'm doing and then taking a nose dive in front of everyone. I'm sure this guy in the picture above knew his plane wouldn't fly, but that's the difference; he's having fun, while I am putting so much weight on this project I can't enjoy the process and let "creativity flow" or whatever.

I know this is something I've talked about before, and there have been those who have been very encouraging. It just got worse when I went to look at some locations and I wasn't thrilled with them. I thought, "we can MAKE it work" but every time we do that we lose what we have going for us, because of our lack of funds. I don't want this project to suffer because we are a group of silly kids making a movie with our dad's video camera. I know that's not the situation, I just don't want the end result to "look" like that's the situation.

I just don't want to spend all this time creating something I think will be great, and as soon as I take it out for all the world to see, I fall flat on my face. Who shows up next year after that happens?

Not Better Then Me Anymore

Some time last year at a concert put on by the Black Eyed Peas, one member, Fergie, was accused of peeing her pants. Now she may have just sweat a lot, but one thing's for sure. Fergie- you got a lot of money? Fame, performing in front of thousands? You are on several magazine and TV show's "most attractive blah blah blah" lists? OK, well, I never peed my pants in front of thousands of people before.

Joe, one. Fergie, nothing.

P.S. The guy next to her is thinking he'll squat down in front of the camera, to pose for a photo. But he has no idea the photographer is focused on the peed pants! I bet when he sees this picture he's like, "I was that close to it? I'm gonna puke!"

Yes you are mohawk, yes you are.

This Baby Will Self-Destruct...

A new trailer for Mission Impossible III was shown during the Super Bowl last night. It can also be viewed at apple.com/trailers. Why do you or, more importantly, I care? I noticed that the film is due to be released in May. That seems about the time that Tom and Katie Holmes will be having a baby.

There was a lot of talk about their relationship being a publicity stunt for War of the Worlds coming out. And now a baby could be born at the same time as MI:III.

It could be bunk, but consider this, they have been engaged since June, but have not set a date. Could be due to the fact that neither Tom nor Katie has another project slated for completion. Gotta keep the wedding off 'til then I suppose.

Do I really care, of course not, just thought it was a funny coincidence.

Showing Eric What a Blog is

So, Eric, this is a blog, one can write whatever one wants, and anyone who comes to it online will read whatever stupid things one has to say... that no one cares about but one. Meaning, "the person" not "the reader." Kind of a stupid idea, but it's gotten pretty popular.

Can't... Breathe... Must... Eject...

Oh, oh I see... walk away then! Go! What? You got something to say to me? Why don't you say it to my- AARGH! I'll... kill... you... ~sigh~ OK, relax, the fight's out of me now.

10, 9, 8, 7...

Almost there... you probably don't want to stand to close. Especially if your clothes say "dry clean only."

Glorified Dumpster Divers

There has been some concern over the "non-angry" tone of my last entry. Do not take this as a sign of weakness, this would be a mistake on your part.

The topic of today's "redemptive" rant, is the "Freegans". If you go to http://www.freegan.info/ you can read all about who these people are. Let me summarize and then give you my thoughts.

The website states, "Freegans are people who employ alternative strategies for living based on limited participation in the conventional economy and minimal consumption of resources. Freegans embrace community, generosity, social concern, freedom, cooperation, and sharing in opposition to a society based on materialism, moral apathy, competition, conformity, and greed." Or, you can also say, Freegans are lazy and irresponsible. They don't want to be accountable, so they blame their situation on you and me. Me. I'm the one who is "materialistic" when I'm just barely making enough to support my family. Me. Who is in a lot of medical dept because I don't make enough money to pay my ER bills, but make to much to qualify for the free aid that Freegans get. Me... you hypocritical sons of bitches.

Freegans believe that they shouldn't go to work because why work just to buy stuff you don't need. Of course anyone who looks into "Freeganism" even for a minute can see that they also want "stuff", they just don't want to earn it. A woman who dated a couple Freegans said she saw that they had computers and cell phones and ipods. IPODS! What in the hell!? I'm materialistic, and you have an ipod? If I hear another person tell me that working to support my family is "giving in to materialism and greed" I will start smacking mouths.

I willing to bet very few (if any) Freegans have families. Children, to be more specific. When you have kids, you are automatically doomed to a life of responsibility. It's just sad that people will justify their useless lifestyle, and that, even worse, they get media exposure.

With that said, I'll say no more on the topic.

A Paris I DON'T want to punch in the face.

For those of you who are watching American Idol this season, and for those who just appreciate great music, I need to tell you about Paris Bennett. She is the granddaughter of Ann Nesby, the lead vocalist of the group Sounds of Blackness. (to hear Ann go to http://www.soundsofblackness.com/ and turn your speakers up)

Paris blew me away. I like music well enough, but it has been a long time since I have heard a singer shake me to the core. I almost fell out of my chair. Halfway into her second song (Take Five, from Billie Holiday) which Paula Abdual asked her to sing, I noticed I had the biggest grin on my face, a "grin of awe" if there is such a thing. Even if this young woman doesn't win, she will make an album, and I will buy it!

I normaly don't watch AI after the first auditions because I only care about the freaks, however, I will watch for her this season, to hear that voice.

I can't find a clip, so if anyone does, let me know. I would love to hear her sing again.

A Quick Thank You

Just wanted everyone to know that I greatly appreciate S.T. Lewis and Toon Baboon for creating my new header for the blog. They went above and beyond... to a disgusting place we won't speak of here. Thank you!

Don't Separate Families

So, my wife thinks I'm disgusting, but you can go to a restaurant and order this dish all the time. I like to eat scrambled eggs with sauteed chicken in it. I don't know what her issue with that is. It could be the reason why I do it, maybe. I mean, it does taste good, but the reason I do it is because I like to eat the parents with the children. What's wrong with wanting to keep a family together... 'til the end?

The Truth of Sips

Having a knowledge greater then most I have deducted (in a matter of minutes) the principle I like to call, "The Truth of Sips" or, "How Sips Got It's Groove Back."

The "Truth" is simple to someone like me, but if you don't agree, go back and read the entire blog again... and again, and again until you agree with me.

Sips are, in essence, small gulps, or "drinks" that are taken in order to limit the amount of water, or to be politically correct, fluids in one's or "your" mouth. To take a sip requires knowledge, hearing the liquid, and then the "skill" to tilt, ever so slightly, and then "purse" your "lips" in such a "fashion" as to limit the "flow" to your "cake hole."

The belief that a sip is logically the same as a gulp is what I call, "sips vs gulps." Visa vi, what goes in your drink place, comes out your pee spot. Right? Ha! Got you.

To sip goes like this: cup cup, water water, pour pour pour, lift, lips, tilt tilt tilt tilt tilt tilt, sip... repeat.

If this has flown right over your head, that's ok. It would make me look stupid if you understood it.

Right?

Click comic strip to enlarge

I want to talk about a friend and co-worker of mine. He has been in the "industry" for many years but has yet to see anything he's worked so hard to create in public. All because he works for a self-proclaimed crazy man. I am trying my best to get him free of the creatively-smothering situation he is in, but it's like gnawing off his own leg. Will it be worth it when he gets to the bone and has to smash it with a rock? I hope so.

I truely do.

Where did you come from you little...

Last night I felt this itch in my nose... ok, I was picking it, you win ok?! Anyway, if I may continue, I was "picking" my nose and felt this thick long hair that came out past the nostril. On closer inspection in a mirror (and by "closer" I mean I could have been twenty feet away and still seen this thing) I found a hair that had no earthly buiness being in there with the other smaller, thinner, and blonder ones. This thing was thick, like a bear's hair, and long as the one pictured. However, I used my hands to yank it out, not a sissy pair of tweezers like this wuss.

Anyway, I guess I'm getting older. Sucks, because I never felt like I had a "prime" and here I am on the way down.

The end, you can go now.

You are hopeless.

It seems no matter how well your life is going there is always something that could be better. This "thing" can even keep you from being happy and blind you from the other "things" that are going good. You feel you can't advance in you life until you've solved that problem or issue and, as hard as you try, you can't even concentrate on what is going on in you life. You say to yourself, "if I only could do _____." Or, "if I was there instead of here, things would be different, all my problems would be over." But let's say you get that thing or solve that problem, is there going to be another one to stand in your way of achieving what you know is inside you to achieve?

Yes.

So what do you do? How do you move forward, especialy when you can't change what's wrong, it's out of your hands? Sometimes waiting for the answer is more frustrating then the question. Here's one more thing: what if the answer is not what you wanted, or what you can live with? You waited all this time for what, more frustration and feeling more overwhelmed?

Sucks.

Oh well. Good luck with that.

The Muntjac

Some burger places think they gots the bestest burger. Well, they ain't got the Muntjac! Taco, hotdog, fried chicken and spaghetti, all rolled in a burger. What more do you want? Seriously, what more can you have? You want a piece of pizza on there? What are you, crazy, you couldn't eat it as it is let alone add another menu item.

Fine, we'll bake the whole thing in a spinach calzone... happy?

Oh, oh so now I'm a draw-er, huh?

So, what, I can't draw? I got one for you, it's "can you deal with that?!"

What's a "Blog"?

So, several months ago I asked my brother what a "blog" is. He said it was "a way for nobodies to rant about whatever they want on the internet, to feel important because what stupid things they have to say are now online for all to read."

Of course he was updating his blog at the time.

So I wish to stay true to that definition as I keep up this blog. I will only use it to "rant" about whatever stupid crap no one gives a rat's rear end about, but I feel I need a public place to say it. Think of it as the homeless man in the middle of the street telling you that "the government stole his eggs" and that "Brando lives in his basement." I got news for you buddy, I stole your eggs, and Brando is in my basement helping me eat them... psycho.

Offspring.

Here's a picture of my kids. No this is not what their bodies look like... it's a drawing, you- ~gaw~ idiot!

More of Meeee!!!!!!

For those of you who think there are no other pictures of me... here you go you ffff----.

MEEEE!!!!!!

This is me. My name is Joe, and in July of 2005 I had a seizure that made me pee my pants. I threw those pants away. This is a metaphor for my life. Whenever I pee on something, it gets thrown away. Much like the pants I was wearing when I peed my pants. Now, I wear pee-less pants, and I'm loving every minute of it. I will talk to you guys later... bye. I SAID "BYE!"